Hi Everyone,
This blog will discuss several issues ranging from personal, inspirational to informational depending on the mood of the day or simply daily occurrences.
I am actually new to this and I am sure I will learn as I go
along.
Well let’s see.
I am in a position that I definitely did not think I would
be in. Many of you out there I am sure are in the same position. Such as haven’t
fulfilled your educational or profession goals due to situations that you may or
may not have had control over. Poor execution of bad decision making skills may
have also been a cause. For me I think my situation is due to both. But yet, I
do not want to sound unappreciative because some good things have occurred along
the way which I am most definitely grateful for. I am not boasting here, but a
husband who loves me, a home to call my own, and two beautiful girls are worth
being labeled as a blessing. Although living by paycheck to paycheck I still
consider myself wonderfully blessed. The situation may be strained but I am
grateful because there are many persons in a worst situation than I am.
However, being human, I can’t help thinking about the ‘what
ifs’. During and after my “what ifs” moment I begin to feel very stressed,
angry, and miserable. How many of you feel that way too? If I had or had not
listened to him or her? If I had stayed and completed …. Where would I be now?
What would I be doing? Would my marriage last? Would I have had my daughters?
What did I do wrong? I did my best. What could I have done differently? Suppose
I went there instead of here? The questions begin to multiply at an alarming
rate, you begin to doubt even the existence of your very being, the anger with
yourself begins to rage on the inside and at times tears are inevitable. At
this point what do you do?
The times I feel most worthless is? Can you guess? If you
respond on month ends and when my kids ask for something we cannot afford. The
answer is yes. It gets me so aggravated. I don’t know how many of you begin to
argue with your spouse on the ending of each month when the bills to be paid.
But yes, I do. Don’t know why, because he tries very hard to keep calm through
this whole situation. Afterwards, yes, I feel like crap.
Many times I have to check myself as I refuse to transfer my
undesirable attitude and behavior on my kids and my husband who may not have
done anything to deserve a negative response. I try to be guided by the words
of the famous Desiderata in which I have found refuge. Believe me it works! But
it is hard.
So what am I doing with myself now? Lol, I am here online
trying to find something that will pay me a little money. (Smiling) This is
hard, so many scams! When you find something you begin to doubt yourself. Do I
have the skills? Can I complete this task accurately? You know what? I am tired
of questioning myself? I am tired truly tired. With all the lashing my self-esteem
and confidence have taken its time to shake up. It is time to get out there, time
to forge ahead despite the current economic situation that echoes through the
air.
If you are in a similar situation I encourage you to use
that same self-defeating attitude and rise up. You might not think you have the
strength to be disappointed, but let us consider each and every disappointment we
encounter as a stepping stone to building a stronger personality. I am going to
try it. Will you? Let us do it together. Come on!!!
In closing, I leave you with the words of the Desiderata.
Hope it will help you as much as it has helped me.
